89

من دلم برای نوشتن تنگ شده 

نوشتن فارسی به صورت روتین تو یه آلونک

همیه این فکرها از اون شبی شروع شد که من خونه امیر بودم و تو اوج مستی و حال خراب شروع کردم همه بلاگ قبلیم و براش خوندن ... شاید سه سالی میشد که نوشته های بلاگم و نخوندم . یهو پرت شدم یه جای خیلی دوری که یادم رفته بود وجود خارجی داره ... 

دلم تنگ شد 

دلم گرفت 

از اینکه یه روزایی انقدر احساس آرامش میکردم با نوشتن ...

 از یه جایی به بعد دیگه ننوشتم .. یا بیشتر نوشته هام متن های کوتاه انگلیسی بود ... شاید چون فکر کردم زندگی حتی ارزش ثبت کردنم نداره ... یا شاید خسته از توضیح دادن زندگی سگیم داشتم 

هنوزم همین عقیده رو دارم اما تفاوتش ایندفعه اینه که من با خوندن حماقتهام و لحظه های ساده  هم خوشحال میشم... یکی دیگه  از معظیت های بزرگ شدن ....

65

i just miss writing

miss being creative when i was able to just transfer every little thing that would happen in my head to my hands .

its hard when you stop for a while 

you stop to express 

you rather have a photo image 

but that doesnt work for you since im getting very forgetful 

I mean i'm getting as bad that i don't even want to write any essays anymore . 

i'll get to  the habit again ...

62

school days
sleepless days
lovey dovey days
m aa d m e n days
high days
excited/lost/enchanted & at last happy !

60

sitting in my studios floor ,
listening to a m elies soundtrack
life is strange
school is different
today i did some graffiti
im working on my colour project now .
im isolated and feel like there are no outer world outside my room
it doesnt make me sad anymore
loneliness is becoming a  part of me ,
that part of me that i enjoy
enjoying spending time alone
most of the time i dont find people interesting
much of them bore me
and the rest ...
too annoying to even consider
but this loneliness is aright
i get more time to observe
...

18

Spring is here all of a sudden ,
never seen Toronto this warm in middle of March .
this morning when I was standing by my window looking at the sunshine and feeling like it's summer , I had the most nostalgic deja vu .I can't even describe how I felt but everything made sense at that moment , life had a meaning in a glance , the vibe that entered my body from toe to head made my want to run in big circles and scream .
all of these feelings ,emotions and different phases that I go through is happening because at this moment of my life there is absolutely nothing stabled , everything is all over the place ... and I'm just wondering that when ? when will all these stress and instability will go away ... like now , now that it's 6:48 AM and I'm still awake and thinking...

11

Sitting as high as I can in total darkness ,
right in middle of the couch
so much going in my mind .
life seems like a bubble to me ,
it's funny how i feel like any second someone will touch that bubble and I'll be kicked out of that dreamy , bubbly world .
I love living in bubbles...

7

watched the oscar tonight at gir-cha's with Rana and others .
so glad that The artist was nominated and won couple of oscars , they absolutely deserved it after all the efforts they put in for the movie.
passing out at this moment .
oops
zzzzzzZZZZZzzzz

6

today was one of the most important day of my life .
I'm done with my interview
finally !
despite of how everything got messed up last minute from the weather , our power electricity went down , my portfolio got lost and so on ,
but the interview went on great .
I get to sleep after a while :)

5

My internet at home is disconnected :( I had to take the modem back to them and the new company is coming to reconnect tomorrow morning . ah what a bad time , now that i'm working on my portfolio and I need internet access I only have my one and only 3G .

things are getting better with my portfolio and everything in general , I'm at OCAD right now and I was working on my damn creative personal statement . I'm not even good at righting essays! whatever it wants to be , a creative one , a non creative one . I can just write short phrases . short nonsense sentences in a weird format that mostly looks like a haiku .
anyways, I have to write it and it's a must .
aight ,
going for a smoke under butterfeild with sunshine .

3

I've been working on my portfolio,listening to fever ray, inhaling nonstop for the past 48 hours , I feel like I don't have enough time even though everything is very prepared and organized...

I'm going through a very emotional phase with my close friend , but I'm too mad to say anything . my mind is totally blocked about it.

I'm having a cup of warm tea and writing poems in my journal .

sometimes letting go is for your own good .

2

so , all i did today, was enjoying every moment of sunshine in the cold weather , taking photos , smoking joints , drinking coffee , driving around , working on the new project and loving every single moment of today.

I guess i'm turning to a happier person , which is absolutely great for someone who has been depressed most of her life .

happiness loves me .

song of the day : Fever Ray -Keep the streets empty

1

It's about time , time to start a blog in english , since it's the most stressful and critical days of my life . but this is not the only reason for my blog , I've been a blogger for years but my writings were mostly in Farsi my most active days of writing was when google reader was alive it was the best thing that ever existed before they completely destroy it and launch it with bloody google plus :(

so , I'm here once again trying to write ( hopefully on a daily basis ) I still feel uncomfortable this whole new blog but eventually I'll feel different .

should I introduce myself ? I don't think it's even necessary to do that since there would be absolutely no one reading these stuff for a while .

for now ,all this blank blog needs to know about me is a twenty two years old girl from Toronto.


song of the day : Royksopp-what else is there